Vacation

I love my life, but sometimes I miss my old life.  You know, when things were 'easy'.  Raising twins is hard, way harder than I ever thought.  I struggle with the things that I have had to sacrifice.  No, not the lack of daily showers, spit up all over my clothes, the sleepless nights....those I expected.  It's more the things that were not expected, like the loss of my mom.  Because you see, my mom was supposed to be here.  She was supposed to be able to help me.  Don't get me wrong, we have had a lot of help, but it's not the same.  My biggest challenge right now is vacation.  "Vacation? You ask"  Yes, and now you will see some of my 'selfishness' come about.

We love vacation.  A lot.  A cruise, a beach, a mountain, you name it.  We love it.  With T.J. being an airline pilot, it offers us great opportunity to go on vacation.  So, we try to take advantage of it whenever we can.  However, we have not been on a vacation since July 2011....when my mom passed away.  We were on vacation when we found out about my mom, and it's something that I will always associate with 'vacation'.

My mom always took care of everything.  You could count on her for anything.  So, if we went on vacation, no problem, she would watch the cats, she would get the mail, she would water the plants, etc.  It made things so easy.  So it was my expectation that everything would always be so 'easy'.  Like after I had kids and went back to work part-time, my mom could watch them....oh wait, maybe not.  If we went on vacation, she could watch the boys, she could take care of the cats, she could take care of everything...or not.  So, I struggle with how things 'should be' because they're not easy for me anymore, and I hate it.

I want a vacation, but I want it 'my way'.  I want to be able to nap when I want to, lay out and get a tan, drink some strawberry daiquiris, swim with some dolphins if I want.  I don't mind if the boys come with, but I don't want it to be a 'family vacation' where the focus is on the kids.  I want a vacation for me (selfish yes, but they're still so little).  If my mom was still here, I could leave the boys with her.  We just don't have anyone else we can leave the boys with.  So, our choice is always going to be bringing the boys with us.  I just have to decide if we bring someone with us (nanny, etc.) or rely on childcare where ever we are going.  The boys will be 18 months old when we go on vacation and I don't know how they will be if we just 'drop them off' with someone while we go out scuba diving for 4 hours.  I don't want it to be a complete disaster.  They won't quite understand what's happening ('where are we?' 'why is mommy leaving me?', etc).  It's also hard to expect someone to just take a week off of their life to help us out so that we can enjoy our vacation.  I hate the fact that every time I think about vacation, I think about how my mom isn't here.

I want to go on vacation, and it may seem selfish, but I just wish it was easy..... like it used to be.

Logan & Noah's Birth Story

T.J. and I are VERY proud parents of 2 baby boys!!!

 Below is a summary of my pregnancy and the boys' birth story: I found out I was expecting on September 29th, 2011. T.J. and I were thrilled!!! We found out we were expecting twins at our first doctor's appointment, October 21st, 2011. While we were waiting for the doctor to come in T.J. asked me "What if it's twins?" I replied "If it was twins, I would know, I would be really sick." Well, I was wrong! It was twins and I had been feeling great (very lucky).

 My pregnancy was a breeze. I felt great! I was a little tired at first, and I didn't really cook at all while I was pregnant, but really had no problems. T.J. and I never wanted to find out the sex of the babies, even if it was twins. We had a lot of doctor's appointments and everything was going perfectly. I was treated as "high risk" because of the twins. We were told that they were 99% sure the twins were fraternal (because they each had their own placenta).

 T.J. and I started Bradley classes. We were very interested in having a completely natural childbirth experience. We know that twin births can be more complicated, but we were set on our plan. I did not want an epidural. I did not want any IV fluids. I did not want continuous fetal monitoring. I wanted to labor as long as possible at home. I wanted to labor in any position that gave me relief and I wanted to deliver in a position that worked for me. I wanted delayed cord cutting. Yes, people thought we were crazy, but we had strong reasons behind our choices.

 Everything was going according to plan, until Friday, April 20th. During my work day I started to feel weird. My neck and upper back were killing me. I figured the weight of the twins was finally taking its toll. I made an appointment with a chiropractor for that afternoon. He did an assessment on me and said that my body was under a lot of stress and to come back on Monday to get adjusted. I went home and took some Tylenol and tried to relax and sleep.

 Saturday was the day I was supposed to get a lot of stuff done. I needed to pack my hospital bag, get the twins room set up, and finish unpacking stuff for my kitchen (we are just finishing a remodel). I had a very difficult time getting out of bed, and stayed in there most of the morning. I moved down to the couch, but I was feeling terrible. I didn't feel like eating anything, and I didn't all day long. I couldn't sleep at all Saturday night because I just felt "weird". On Sunday morning I was relaxing on the couch when I felt a gush. I thought "uh oh, that can't be good." I went to the bathroom to find I was bleeding. I wasn't super concerned as it was "old blood", brown in color, which is not as bad as bright red blood. I yelled upstairs for T.J. and we called the doctor. While waiting for the doctor to call back, T.J. started packing a bag for the hospital. I had a feeling it was not going to be an in and out visit. I took a shower and we headed to labor & delivery. 

When we arrived at labor & delivery I was dilated to 1 and 70% effaced. They put the monitors on me and I was having about 10 contractions an hour. I did not know they were contractions, I just thought that Logan was kicking me hard. I was admitted. They started IV fluids to see if that would stop the contractions....nope. I got a shot of steroids to mature the babies' lungs in case they delivered early. They gave me nifedipine to stop the contractions and it started to work. I started to feel a lot better, but I was starving. Of course I wasn't able to eat anything for fear of labor progressing.

 I spent the night in the hospital with nurses coming in every hour to check on me. I was hooked up to IV's and 3 monitors attached to my stomach. I couldn't sleep with all of the interruptions, monitors beeping, being starving, and not being able to move (if I did the monitors would come off my stomach and then the nurse would have to come in). They were unable to get me an appointment with maternal fetal medicine for Monday, so I spent another day at the hospital (although I was finally able to eat something). I received the second shot of steroids for the babies lungs. It was still very hard to sleep.

 I was seen by maternal fetal medicine on Tuesday around noon. I had not had any contractions for about a day. The ultra sound looked great. Both babies were fine, their fluid looked good, so they were not overly concerned about the bleeding (although they could not explain it either). One of my regular OB's (Dr. Siegel) did not want to discharge me because he said when he pushed on my stomach he could feel a contraction (even though I couldn't). The maternal fetal medicine doctor said he thought it was fine for me to be discharged to home, but it was my doctor's choice. Sigh, I did not want to spend a 3rd night in the hospital. I just wanted to go home, sleep in my own bed, get some stuff done at the house (pack a hospital bag, diaper bag, install car seats, etc), and eat my own food. Luckily, there was a shift change! Another OB came on, saw the recommendation from maternal fetal medicine to be discharged, and I was on my way home! I still had to take the nifedipine every 6 hours, but I was free!

 At home, T.J. and I started to get some stuff ready and I ended up staying up until almost 1:00am. Since Saturday I had probably had less than 5 hours of sleep (in 4 nights). I went to sleep and woke up Wednesday morning at 3:00am with contractions (which I finally knew what they felt like after seeing them on the monitors at the hospital). This was only 12 hours after being discharged from the hospital. I decided to take a bath to see if that would help. My contractions came on quickly and intensely. They were about 1-3 minutes apart and about 30 seconds long. I couldn't get comfortable anymore. I got out of the bathtub and laid down on the bathroom floor. I woke up T.J. so we could start timing the contractions. I took more nifedipine to see if that would help. I felt my water break (although I wasn't 100% sure that it was my water breaking as I was still bleeding from before) and I knew that the babies were going to be born that day (34 weeks, 1 day gestation, Wednesday, April 25th 2012).

 My contractions were speeding up and I started vomiting frequently. T.J. was packing a new hospital bag and showering before we headed to the hospital. We got to the hospital about 7:00am. Dr. Heimburger checked me and I was 3+ centimeter dilated, 90% effaced, with my water ruptured. I was off to the labor & delivery room! I was still contracting and vomiting like crazy. I got to chew on some ice chips. Unfortunately because of all of the IV fluids I received over the previous 3 days, my legs, ankles, and feet were so swollen I wasn't able to move them hardly at all. This made labor very difficult because I had almost no sleep (in fact I started falling asleep sitting up during labor), I could not get comfortable (standing up was unbearable-so no walking around, no hands/knees, birthing ball, squatting, etc). Because I could not move my legs well, I could not find a comfortable position besides sitting on the bed with 1 leg on the bed and 1 leg off the bed. I was still contracting every minute. I was exhausted.

 I had to have an IV with penicillin because I never got to have the group B strep test (it was supposed to be done at my next doctors appointment). I continued to vomit and I could not get comfortable. The staff did encourage an epidural (which was not in our birth plan). I understood that it would be beneficial because Noah was still breech and they would have to try and turn him after Logan was born and it could be very uncomfortable. I could not get any relief and decided to have the doctor check me again. If I was close to delivery then no epidural. If I was not close, I would get the epidural so that I could get some rest. He checked me and I was 4 centimeters. I decided to get the epidural. I was very nervous about it, especially when the anesthesiologist told me my spine curves to the left and the epidural might only work on one side (awesome). I figured half relief was better than no relief. Luckily the epidural took and I felt like a million bucks. My vomiting stopped and I was STARVING (of course I couldn't eat)!!! They told me to try and get some rest and for T.J. to go down to the cafeteria and eat some lunch. They were guessing about 6 hours until the boys were delivered.

 We had a shift change again....this time back to Dr. Siegel (the doctor that did not want us to be discharged from the hospital). Great...here comes a big "I told you so". He was actually pretty great, and I did tell him that he could say "I told you so." My nurse Sandy was GREAT!!! We really loved her. T.J. was an excellent support. He was such and encouragement and helped with anything that I needed. He tried to find ways for me to be comfortable. He helped me to the bathroom. He helped me change clothes. He was fantastic. 

About 20 minutes after the epidural the neonatologist came it to talk to me about preterm infants. He was so mellow, that as he was talking to me, I started falling asleep. I wasn't too worried about the babies. They were over 34 weeks, approximately 5-6lbs in weight (or so we thought), I had the steroids to mature their lungs, and they were moving around like crazy. I couldn't really pay attention to what he was saying because I felt the need to push. T.J. came back in and I told him I thought it was time. He was just about to get someone when Dr. Siegel came in, checked me, and said it was time to go. It had been less than a half hour since the epidural....we thought we had hours longer....guess not!

 I had to deliver in the operating room (procedure for twin deliveries). There were about 12-15 people in the room for the delivery. Me, T.J., 2 doctors for me, 2 nurses for me, the neonatologist, 4 NICU nurses (2 for each baby), 2 surgical nurses, and there could have been more....this is just what I remember. This was not the quiet, natural birth I was hoping for. I wasn't disappointed as I knew going into a twin pregnancy that nothing is predictable. I couldn't be tied to things going a certain way. What was important now was delivering these babies safely.

 I pushed (flat on my back with legs up in stirrups....sigh) with the contractions and had Logan out in about 7 pushes. I was surprised that it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. It also didn't hurt like crazy (thanks the the epidural). Again, T.J. was the best coach that I could have asked for. He was encouraging (but didn't talk too much) and he helped me stay focused (which was a hard task with so many people in the room). They said "It's a boy!". Logan cried loudly and was whisked over to the NICU staff. He was born Wednesday, April 25th at 2:59pm, weighing 4lbs, 6oz, 18 inches long.

 Now was the tricky part....Noah. Noah had been transverse/breech the entire pregnancy due to Logan hogging a huge amount of room. Logan was always stretched out, taking up a good amount of space. Poor Noah got smashed up in my ribs and didn't have anywhere to move to. The 2nd doctor in the delivery room did an ultrasound to check on Noah's position. He was still up in my ribs, still breech, but now he had no amniotic fluid around him. This was a big problem because if there is no fluid, there is no way to get him to turn. Dr. Siegel attempted an external version. Unfortunately, after several unsuccessful attempts, and Noah's heart rate dropping with each one, a cesarean section was done. Again, I did not have a problem with this even though a c-section was the main thing I was trying to avoid.

 T.J. had to leave the room as they administered some additional medication. They put up the blue curtain and got to work. I couldn't feel anything, but I could smell burning flesh (gross). 18 minutes after Logan was born, Noah was born. They said, "It's another boy!" I said, "I told you so" to T.J. I knew it was two boys. He did not arrive screaming into the world like his brother did. He was quiet, needed air on a cpap (not oxygen, just air), and he was wildly colored mustard yellow and green. The doctors were not sure why he was colored like that. He was born Wednesday, April 25th at 3:17pm, weighing 4lbs, 5.5oz, 17 inches long.

The theory is: Noah's placenta must have partially detached (hence the old blood) and rehealed. It may have caused some blood to leak into his sack, causing the strange coloring, and he had digested some of the blood because it was in his stool. The blood in the uterus causes it to contract and the cervix to dilate (why early labor started). When my cervix opened, I noticed the bleeding. Noah's water must have broken first causing him to have nothing left to turn with. I didn't really get to see Noah before they took him to the NICU.

 They sewed me up and got me ready to go to the recovery room. T.J. was there waiting for me in the recovery room. He stayed with me for about 20 minutes before he got to go down to NICU to see the boys. I had to wait until my "recovery time" was over. Then my awesome nurse Sandy wheeled me down in my bed to see the boys before taking me to my "mother and baby" room. I did not see the boys again until the next day when I was able to stand and move on my own after the epidural wore off. Because I was given even more IV fluids, my legs were ENORMOUS!!! When I weighed myself at home 4 days later, I was 10.5 pounds heavier after giving birth than I ever was pregnant due to the amount of fluids they gave me. Did I mention how much I hate IV fluids?

 Yes, I had a vaginal delivery and a c-section. It was not as bad as I thought. The vaginal birth did not hurt recovery wise at all really. The c-section incision hurt, mostly when T.J. made me laugh, but nothing that Tylenol and Ibuprofin couldn't handle. I did not take the Norco because I do not do well with pain medication. The thing that bothered me the most is again all of the fluid. My legs were so heavy I could barely move them, and there wasn't anything I could do about the fluid. I felt pretty much back to normal about 7 days after delivery and all of my fluid was gone by about 10 days after delivery. I was driving about 8 days after delivery.

 They were in the NICU for 17 days (although we think they could have discharged them earlier). They came home on May 12th (the day I thought they were going to be born). They are both over 5 pounds now. They had to have feeding tubes to help supplement their oral feedings. They had to have phototherapy (bili lights) because of their bilirubin levels.

 They are now at home and eating on their own. We have their first pediatrician appointment tomorrow. We are very blessed to have had such a positive outcome. We saw many other babies in the NICU who were much worse off than our boys. It really helps give us perspective. While this was not the entrance to the world we were hoping for, it really turned out well for all of us. We thank everyone for their prayers, well wishes, visits, thoughts, and gifts. We are still working on the thank yous ;). Check back for more updates (I promise to blog more now ;))!!!

My mom

T.J. and I were on a cruise when we found out about my mom. Now I really know what it’s like to be “stuck on a boat”. She was watching my cats for me while we were on vacation, as she always did. She was also watching my nephew Matthew during the first few days while we were gone. I’m so glad I called her numerous times before we left, you never know when it will be the last time you speak with someone you love. She probably thought I was annoying, but I just wanted to check that Matthew wasn’t giving my kitties a hard time. I also wanted to check that she wasn’t over feeding my kitties too much, as she does like to spoil them with food & treats.


My mom was the best at making lunches (she made mine until I moved out). I could have pop and 2 desserts in my lunch if I wanted. She was also a great cook and really enjoyed sharing her food with others. I’ve never left her house hungry. She always asked what everyone’s favorite snacks were, and they just “happen” to be at her house if you came over. She knew that T.J. loved chex mix and reeses peanut butter cups. There would always be a bowl out of chex mix and she would give T.J. a TON of reeses. When I insisted that T.J. did not need anymore reeses, she would put some in his pockets when I wasn’t looking.


She LOVED to garden and I called her often with questions about my own. I’ve had a secret competition with her the last few years with our vegetables….she’s always won.


My mom was very thoughtful. She sent cards for every holiday, and always gave us some “just in case” money.


She made every holiday a big deal with a big feast. For my birthday I always had a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake and she let me eat it for breakfast every day until it was gone. Christmas was the best with lots of presents and lots of food. She had a very good rule for Christmas…..if you don’t believe in Santa then you don’t get any Santa presents. We still believe in Santa.


She always teased me about how I need to learn how to make gravy, as I have always just used the canned stuff. Santa even gave me “gravy master” in my stocking at Christmas. I wish I would have taken the hint.


My mom loved to read books. She could read 2 a day. She couldn’t really believe that I was her daughter, seeing that I don’t like to read. When I was a young girl she paid me 50 cents per chapter book I read, and I would need to give her an oral book report after each one. I don’t think I ever made more than $2.


I remember when I tried to teach my mom to use the computer. She was not a super huge fan of technology and did not shop online or use email. It took her awhile to even learn how to turn the computer on. When I first showed her how to use it, she picked up the mouse and tried to point it at the screen like a remote control. It was so funny.


The best was when she got Facebook. I though YES! This is going to be awesome. Within days of being on Facebook she had numerous friends, and within weeks she was uploading pictures and posting videos from You Tube. If someone posted their status or some pictures she was the first one to “like” it or comment. Who was this person? Not the mom who didn’t know how to really use the computer a few weeks earlier.


She was a great mom and a great friend. She was very loving and very loved. There are no words to say how unexpected all of this was. There are no words to say how special you made me feel. There are no words to say how much we will miss you.

6 weeks ago

- 6 weeks, 2 days ago we found out we were pregnant (4 weeks, 4 days).
- 4 weeks, 1 day ago we found out it might not be a viable pregnancy (6 weeks, 5 days).
- 3 weeks, 3 days ago (7 weeks, 3 days) it was confirmed that we did have a blighted ovum and that we should wait 2 weeks for a miscarriage to happen naturally. It not, then a D & C would need to be done.
- 3 weeks, 1 day ago (7 weeks, 5 days) bleeding began, and continued, until yesterday.
- 1 week, 3 days ago (9 weeks, 3 days) my doctor said that I should go ahead with the D& C. I chose to wait as I was already bleeding, and really feel like it's a natural process. Your body knows what it's doing, and I trust my body.
- 4 days ago (10 weeks, 2 days) I passed a small apple sized object out of my body (frightening). I felt so much relief from the cramping. This had to be it.
- 2 days ago (10 weeks, 4 days) I had a scan, and it wasn't it.
- 1 day ago I had a D & C (10 weeks, 6 days). The scariest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. I HATE surgery, especially for something like this. I hate IV's, anesthesia, and the whole hospital experience.


I will say that the staff at Central DuPage Hospital was excellent. I had the option of "twilight" or being completely under. They recommended being completely under, so I did it. I do not enjoy IV's, and the lady got me some "freezy stuff" to numb my hand before she put it in (I highly recommend the "freezy stuff" before you ever get an IV). I was in and out in less than 5 hours. I had some mild cramping, but my bleeding had almost completely stopped. This was such a relief as I had been bleeding heavier than a period for over 3 weeks.

I am currently resting at home. I'm feeling ok, a little cramping (mostly from a medication they gave me to contract my uterus). I'm on pelvic rest for 2 weeks (no baths, pool, tampons, or sex). I plan to going back to light work on Monday.

The dr said that we can try again after 3 full cycles. So, for the meantime, I'm enjoying my sushi, seafood, wine, and vacationing (July). Thanks for listening.

SHHHHHH!!!!......It's the thing that no one talks about!!!

I really debated this one, and I guess I still am. Not sure that I will share this on facebook, but if you happen to check my blog you might see it.


Anyway, can you guess the secret thing that no one ever talks about??? Well it's been something I've been dealing with somewhat secretly for the past 3 weeks. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone....it's about miscarriage.....


Sure, every now and again I might hear about someone I know who's had a miscarriage (mostly moms of kids I work with). However, I'm sure it happens much more often than people would like to talk about (including me). As time has past, I feel more ok with it every day. So, here's my story:


In February of this year I went off birth control for the first time in 11 1/2 years. Being on the pill helped SOOOO much in controlling my severe cramping & throwing up that I suffered in junior high and high school. I did not want to be known as "the girl who throws up" when I went away to college. Anyway, it was close to the severity of endometriosis (which I guess can only be officially diagnosed by surgery). I felt TONS better!!!


I worried as I went off the pill I worried that my periods would be as bad as before (in which I could not attend work or school as I was vomiting the entire day). My first "Aunt Flow" ;) was much better than I expected. Yes! Anyway, we've read a researched about how long it takes "normal" couples to conceive. So we figured we had a few good months of "trying" ahead of us.


Over the next several weeks I took 3 different pregnancy tests (all at different times to confirm I was NOT pregnant)....all negative. Then April comes and goes, but no period (but, I had no idea of when I was supposed to get it because I was not regular as I only had 1 period post pills). No biggie, I thought I just must have not ovulated that month (which happens when you've been on the pill for a long time). So, I took a 4th pregnancy test and it was positive. Whoa!!! T.J. was like "we didn't even get to 'try'!" Ha ha ha BTW, I bought all of my pregnancy tests at the $ store because all tests are 99% effective, I knew I was going to use a few, and consumer reports rated pregnancy tests as one of the top 5 things to buy at the $ store.


Well, I took a 5th test (this time a more expensive one) to really make sure. This was right before Mother's Day, so we decided to get our mothers "grandmother" cards instead. I took a 6th test on Mother's Day just to still make sure that we could share the news as it was the perfect time to say something. They were so excited! We were going to go to the doctor the next day (my birthday), but I did not want to miss out on my birthday dinner (duh, it is all about me :) ), so we went on Friday instead. At that point I should have been 6 weeks 5 days.


We went to the doctor and the first 45 minutes or so was just history, talking about how often the visits are, getting free samples, etc. No testing yet. Then a pap and finally an ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that something wasn't right as he kept measuring the size of the sac. There was a sac (I'll call it my "bubble"), but no baby, no fetal pole, just a bubble. He measured the size of the sac and it was 5 weeks 5 days. He said it could be that the dates were really off on conception, and that's why we couldn't see anything, or that it was a blighted ovum.


A blighted ovum (also known as "anembryonic pregnancy" happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cell develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant (not in my case, clearly). A blighted ovum is often a one time occurrence, and rarely will a woman experience more than one.


It was off for blood testing that evening to get a measure of my hcg levels over 3 days (in which they should double every day). Well, it wasn't good news as my levels were barely increasing and my progesterone was very low. So, I asked him what happens next.


The next step was to wait 2 weeks for the miscarriage to happen on its own. I thought, "Cool, now I just have to wait for this horrible thing to happen to me." At least I knew it was coming, but the waiting for it to happen was terrible. I'm a pretty patient person (ask T.J......I can sit in the airport for 17 hours waiting to get on a flight and I'm not bothered in the least), but waiting for something bad to happen made me feel anxious.

I was prepared, I knew it was coming, and I feel so bad for those that don't. I can't imagine what it's like thinking "is my baby going to die" vs. my "bubble" dilemma. Pretty significant bleeding started on Friday (great way to start off the holiday weekend). Of course I have been researching what happens during a miscarriage and what I can expect. So far, it's been bleeding and waiting and bleeding and waiting. I went for more blood work today to see where my hcg levels are, so hopefully not much longer of this (so far 6 days, although I was spotting before Friday).


I just thought I would share my story, as I'm kind over being asked "are you pregnant?" well.....kind of? It's just annoying to have people watch if I'm drinking or not and then asking if I am, or when will I be, or whatever. Yes, T.J. and I obviously want a baby (although this one was a little unexpected, and not the best timing as the due date would have been January 1st which we call a "Christmas baby"). I just have some more waiting to do as I wait for this to be over, and wait another 6-8 weeks for periods to start again (hopefully), and wait to make sure I'm somewhat regular, and wait to see if we get pregnant.....sigh......at least we know we're fertile ;)

Our Bedroom...it's awesome!!!

Our bedroom is done!!! We finally painted our bedroom and purchased our new TV to hang on the wall. YAY! Here are the pictures:

BEFORE:

DURING:

AFTER:

The view from the bed :) Isn't it nice???

We're Back!!!

We're back!!! Our wedding was FANTASTIC....the honeymoon was PERFECT!!! Now it's back to normal, so back to blogging too :) (I will blog about the wedding and honeymoon separately)

We will be starting our new home improvement project tomorrow....mounting our new TV in our bedroom!!!

TJ and I bought a flat screen TV as our wedding present to each other. We could not afford to buy a large TV for the living room, so we bought a 32' TV to mount on the wall in our bedroom (as well as a blu-ray DVD player and Harry Potter 1-6 on Blu-ray). Before we mount the TV I figured we should paint the bedroom. So, tomorrow we will pick out a paint color and paint the part of the wall where the TV will be mounted so that hopefully we can have it mounted by Sunday.

Hopefully everything goes as planned and we can enjoy our updated bedroom!!!

The Engaged Groom

I don't really know how involved typical grooms are in their wedding planning. Maybe some help with addressing invitations, or the typical transportation/honeymoon/music tradition. I have an "Engaged Groom" on my hands.

TJ has been involved in EVERY aspect of the wedding, ok, I take that back, I picked out my wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses. He has been to every vendor meeting (over 10 so far), had input on the flowers, centerpieces, chair covers, and attended a wedding invitation class held at Archivers. We have worked on invitation wording, fonts, and margins. He has researched the honeymoon, booked the flights, and found the average weather forecast. I don't think there is one aspect of the wedding that he hasn't helped me with (or am I helping him?).

We both have strong opinions and we make sure to let each other know :) Plus, we want the wedding to be awesome! I guess it's nice to have someone as involved as TJ is...then I can always take a break if I need.

Wedding plans & life

Yes, I know I have been lacking in my blogging...sorry! We are a little over 3 months away from the big day....that crazy!!! The time went by so quickly! We still have some things to plan (flowers, cakes, and invitations). All of these things are not my favorite. I like flowers, but I don't like flowers enough to spend boat loads of $ on them. I don't even eat cake, but since we are having cake as our centerpieces, I guess I care how they look. As far as invitations, I am making them myself (and no, I'm not crafty, and I hate any type of "scrapbook" activity), so that's not super fun for me.

On the upside, I tried on my dress and I had forgotten how awesome it is! I think I've found my jewelry, and I already have a borrowed veil and new shoes. I think I know how I want to wear my hair. Now all I have to do is get in shape before my first dress fitting next month!

TJ and I have merged the houses (minus a twin bed frame we couldn't fit in the moving truck that is left at the condo). It's kind of bittersweet. No, the condo is not sold, and no we haven't had any offers, and I'm listing it for less than what I owe on the mortgage. We are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't afford to drop the price because I can't bring 10's of thousands of $ to closing. I don't have that kind of cash sitting around, especially paying for a wedding. It's been on the market for more than a year, and has been a stressor for me since then. I can't do a short sale because you have to prove you don't have any money. Well, I have money to pay for it monthly, I just don't want this property anymore. I want to move on and be done with it. TJ and I have a new life in a bigger home that I love.

Some people have said that I should just go into foreclosure and let the bank take it. I would never do something like that. It's just not who I am. I would prefer to take out a loan so I can drop the price to where it will sell, and use the loan money to bring to closing. Then I could just pay the loan each month versus a mortgage on a vacant property. I have asked my condo association for me to be able to rent out the condo, just a temporary provision while this housing market recovers. I wouldn't make $ off of a renter, but a least it would give me some financial relief in this situation. They said "no" and did not offer any explanation.

So, this is what I continue to work on, selling the condo and planning my wedding.

If you know ANYONE who is interested in a 2 bedroom, 2 full bath, private garage condo, 1.5 miles from downtown Naperville....please let me know!!! Here the link to the listing:

http://weichertkingsland.com/Search/PropDetail.aspx?listingID=87-2-07415181&publicSearchID=7255575&pso=listPrice%20DESC&referrer=http%3A//weichertkingsland.com/Search/Results.aspx%3FsearchID%3D7255575

Question????

Hey teachers out there......what should I do about changing my name with my kids that I see? My name with my kids in EI and at the clinic is fine, it's "Miss Amber". However, I see kids at the school and they call me Miss Knott. I see some kids for 3 years in a row, so some of them have known me as Miss Knott for 2 years. I'm getting married in October, so do I start the year as Miss Knott and then change to Mrs. Hardy? I usually see kids in pairs of two, and it could be a mixture of a new kid with an old kid. So, I can't have my old kids call me Miss Knott and my new kids call me Mrs. Hardy. What should I do????

An improvement

TJ installed our new garage door opener on Sunday. I have really been looking forward to it. He finally has a clicker and we can have the cleaning ladies come while we are at work! I'm so excited!

The Little Things

I have been reflecting lately on all of the little conveniences that I forgot how much I really appreciate.

• Ice maker-As long as I can remember I have always had a freezer with and ice maker. In the condo I didn't have one and had to use ice cube trays. A few months after living there I bought a new refrigerator and my dad ran a water line to the freezer so it would make ice cubes. Now being in the new house our refrigerator is old and it's back to the ice cube trays. I cannot wait until I can have an ice maker again, or better yet....a water dispenser on the front of the fridge with crushed ice and everything!!!!!
• Garage door opener-We have a VERY old garage door opener. It only has one clicker for it (we've tried to get another one, but our unit is so old~32 years, that there is not one that will work with it). So, TJ is very nice and lets me have the clicker. I feel bad for him because he does not have one, and if he gets home first he has to go through the front door and open the garage before he can pull it. Not a terrible thing, but annoying. We would also like to have the keypad outside of the garage. Then we could give the cleaning ladies the code and they could come and clean while we are at work. Currently they come around 7am on a Saturday morning once a month. It would be nice to be able to sleep in and not have to move around rooms so they can clean. I'm sure they would appreciate an empty house too.
• Car clicker-I'm lucky enough to have a clicker for my car (unlock/lock the doors). This is the first car I've had it on and have loved it. It's so nice to not have to fumble with my keys, and I've never locked myself out. Again, I feel bad for TJ because he does not have one (his car has seen better days). So, he has to always find his keys, unlock his doors, and make sure he locks the doors before he closes them. Not a terrible thing, but a little inconvenient.
• Heat-I feel bad for picking on TJ's car, but he doesn't have much heat in it in the winter. He's had it looked at, but I guess it's really expensive to fix. So, he just deals with having a freezing ride in the car to work. That stinks :(

So, sometimes it's nice to appreciate those little things that can make our day easier.

Resolutions

Well, it appears to be that time of year again....resolutions. I do have a few things this year that I would really like to improve upon.
1. I would really like to exercise more. I'm shooting for 3-4 times a week of the gym and/or home workouts. Not only do I want to shed about 15 pounds for the wedding, but I want to make some time for myself to feel energized. I would like the workouts to be an hour, but I won't be disappointed if it's only 20-30 minutes.
2. I want to do a better job of meal planning. I hate coming home from work with the "What's for dinner?" question in the air. I have started using my google calendar to help me plan it out.
3. I want to start more home improvement projects. I LOVE home improvement projects. We have a lot of things to do on our house and I would like to start moving on them instead of just sitting on my couch.
4. I want to start spending more quality time with TJ. Sometimes we just get so caught up with "things that need to get done"....probably more me than him. So, I would like that to change.

Wish me luck!

The Gift of Giving

With Christmas coming up next week, we have finished our shopping for our families, but have not gotten anything for each other. We were thinking about taking a vacation in January or February (which we both would love), getting each other clothes (which we need), and doing a "surprise" present. With the wedding coming up, we limited ourselves to $100.

With that said, we had a discussion recently about the best kinds of presents. We TOTALLY disagree. TJ feels like the best kind of present is an indulgence, something that he would not spend his own money on, but would really like to have (like a play station 3). He thinks that a great present is something that you "want" not something that you "need".

I, on the other hand, completely disagree. I have a hard time thinking about things I just "want". I like to think of really functional gifts (car washes, ladders, a squeegee for the garage, socks, umbrellas, etc). Those are perfect gifts, things that you need and would use ALL the time! The little things that make life easier.

My two recent favorite functional gifts are my deep freezer (which my parents got us for Christmas) and my bread maker (that TJ's mom got me for my birthday). I LOVE them. I use my freezer to store all the stuff I buy at costco, leftovers, make ahead meals, and frozen treats. It's great! And I make 1-3 loaves of bread a week with the bread maker. I have not bought myself a loaf of bread for sandwiches since I got it. It's awesome!!!

So, I guess we can "agree to disagree" about the best kind of gifts, but for me....I like the functional ones :)

Holiday Decorating Rules

I'm posting this again for those rule breakers out there!!!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE decorating for holidays. I have bins upon bins of decorations in my garage. Decorating is one of my favorite things to do.

What I despise is when people break the rules of holiday decorating. There are certain rules that need to be followed regarding time lines. So, I hope I'm not offending anyone, but you need to follow the rules. My calendar year revolves around what holiday comes next. Each holiday gets about a month to celebrate.

Valentines Day: You can put up Valentines day decorations in mid January, and taken down February 15th

St. Patrick's Day: put up the day after Valentines day, take down the day after

Easter: put up after St. Patrick's day, but may overlap if they are in the same month (or just chose 1 to decorate for)

Memorial Day: make sure you put your American flag out!

4th of July: put up in the beginning of June, take down July 5th

September 11th: make sure you put your American flag out!

Halloween: put up October 1st, take down November 1st

Thanksgiving: put up November 1st, take down day after Thanksgiving

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!CHRISTMAS: you can put up your outside lights/decorations if you find a warm day in November, however, this is very important......YOU CAN'T TURN YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ON UNTIL THANKSGIVING NIGHT!!!!!!!

I have seen numerous houses with fully decorated lawns and Christmas trees inside with all of the lights on already........I'm sorry, but you are breaking the rules. You can have your lights on during Thanksgiving night, but not before. The day after Thanksgiving you can put out the rest of your Christmas decorations. They can remain up until January 1st. I hope these rules have helped clarify any decorating confusion.

So, this weekend I will be putting up my outside lights. However, I will not be turning them on until tomorrow night. Happy decorating!!!!

The Fat Cat

TJ and I took Mittens and Boots to the vet on Monday. Here is their weight break down:

3 months after birth:
Mittens: 2 lbs, 7 oz
Boots: 2 lbs, 6 oz

Year '06
Mittens: 5 lbs
Boots: 5 lbs, 10 oz

Year '07:
Mittens: 8 lbs, 3 oz
Boots: 9 lbs, 6 oz

Year '08:
Mittens: 8 lbs, 6 oz
Boots: 8 lbs, 6 oz

Year '09:
Mittens: 10 lbs, 15 oz
Boots: 8 lbs, 7 oz

Well, it looks like someone has been eating more than her fair share of food. She's gained 30% of her weight in a year!!! I guess she would be considered obese. The vet said that Boots' weight was good, she could even gain a little. She said that Mittens should lose 1-2 lbs.

Well, that's kind of tricky. Anyone with 2 cats knows that 1 of them is usually the "boss". That would be Mittens. They both eat from the same bowl. How do I keep Mittens from eating more than her fair share?

I put the bowl up on the counter so there is no food out, and when Boots comes in the kitchen I put it back on the floor. Mittens keeps walking in the kitchen with a look that says "Where's my food?" I've had TJ get out the laser light (her favorite) to play with her to distract her from eating and give her some exercise. I've been very good at measuring our exactly how much food they should have. So, we'll see if this helps.

Oh, I've also given Bootsie treats when Mittens is upstairs to make sure she's getting enough :)

Save the Date!!!

Well, it official....save the date: October 16th, 2010 (which happens to be sweetest day). We have always wanted a fall wedding, the cool weather, fall colors. We're hoping it will be a beautiful day. We have our church: Faith Lutheran Church . We have our reception/hotel: Esplanade Lakes, and we have our photographer: Sarah Alair. So, I feel like we have a pretty good start. Plus, I love planning. Although my wedding planner, Ali Phillips, has been doing most of the work :). I think the DJ and videographer will be next. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!

Thanks for blogging with us!

Our Engagement!

We were engaged on Saturday, August 29th, 2009. Here's our story:

It was an average Saturday morning (or so I thought). We had decided that this day would be our home improvement day. We had lots to do around the house (painting, sanding, running cable, etc). TJ woke up early (this doesn't usually happen) and said he was making some eggs and asked if I wanted any. So, I had eggs and toast in bed with coffee. He decided to get in the shower and told me I needed to get ready to go to the "discount audio/visual store" to get 500 feet of TV cable. He asked if I was going to shower and I said "No, why would I shower if we're going to be painting? I don't want to have to shower twice." I went to pick out clothes (lounge pants and a t-shirt...the perfect "working" clothes) and he asked "Aren't you going to wear jeans?" I responded, "No. Why? Should I be wearing jeans?" and he told me that we were going to go flying that day! He said he didn't want to tell me ahead of time because I would get too nervous (I had never flown with him before). I asked him if I had time to shower, and he said no because we had the plane from 9:30-noon and it was already 9:30 by that point. So, I quickly changed into jeans and a sweater, threw my hair in a bun, and put on some makeup. We were out the door within 10 minutes!

We arrived at the DuPage airport and they were having an open house pancake breakfast. I had some OJ and waited for TJ to inspect the plane before we took off. Here is our before flight picture:



























He took me up in a Cessna 172SP. Here's a picture of that kind of plane:

We flew over our house:

























My parent's house:























His parent's house (with the pool):






















and the place where we want to have the reception (Esplanade by Doubletree):















Here we are!


























































































We then flew into the city, over lake Michigan, and enjoyed all of the Chicago skyline. What a cool view!































































































Soldier's Field:

and Lake Michigan:

He offered for me to fly the plane, which I was too chicken to try! We flew back to DuPage airport and while I went into the bathroom the pilots that work at the airport were all giving him the thumbs up (I didn't see this). He had to tell them that he didn't pop the question yet.

So, it was about lunch time and TJ suggested we go get lunch. I agreed.....but he never asked me where I wanted to go eat...and he ALWAYS asks me where I want to go eat. So, I let him just drive. I figured he already had a plan. I also figured he was going to propose, as we don't usually do extravagant things like this on the weekend. As we headed into Naperville, I figured we were going to eat at Key Wester since I had mentioned to him that I wanted to eat there. We drove right past. When we turned on Jefferson, I knew we were going to the Sushi House. It was the place where we had our first date.

We went in and they asked us if we wanted to sit at the sushi bar or table. TJ asked if we could sit in a booth (the little rooms where you take off your shoes and sit on cushions). So, we got to sit in a booth. I was VERY excited about this. I had never been able to sit in one before. Here's a picture of us at the restaurant:

and our sushi:

We paid our bill and TJ "went to the bathroom". I peeked out of our room and saw that he did not go to the bathroom and was still in the restaurant. I knew "this was it!" So, I sat back down and waited. The waitress came in and said that it was cold in here and "I bring hot tea for you." I enjoyed my hot tea and continued to wait. The waitress came back a few minutes later and said "fortune cookie for you" and I put them in our to-go bag. I continued to wait and the waitress came back and said "I bring ice cream for you." I ate my ice cream....and continued to wait. The waitress came back a few minutes later with an unwrapped fortune cookie (homemade) and a note card. I opened the fortune cookie and it read "Your life will change forever today."

The note read: "Hi babe!!! You have been selected to go on a scavenger hunt, so whenever you are ready, get your stuff together and go outside. Go down the stairs, turn left, cross the street, and walk towards the fountain. When you get to the fountain on your right, you will see a drinking fountain. Further to your right you should see an orange ribbon that will contain your next clue. Please take the ribbons and clues with you. Find me at the end and answer one question correctly to receive your prize. Love you. P.S. There are scissors in your purse to cut the ribbon down.

So, I followed the clue. I got to clue #1 and it read "Good you found the first clue. Continue on the path away from downtown towards the river. On the stairs leading down the river you should find a blue ribbon with your next clue."

I was kind of nervous looking for the clues. I thought I might miss one, or get lost or something. People were looking at me to figure out what I was doing.

I got to clue #2 and it read "Nice job babe! Getting closer now. Continue along the river away from downtown. Keep walking under the bridge and past the bridge you will go under the covered seating area. Right past there look for an orange ribbon for your next clue."

I got to clue #3 and it read "Almost there, keep following the river path to the next bridge. Take the stairs right before the bridge-up. Then cross the bridge to the other side of the river. Look for a blue ribbon and your final clue."

I kept searching around for TJ or for anyone we knew.

I got to the final clue and it read: "Alright baby, come and find me!!! Head down to the left. You should be able to see the top of a gazebo. Walk toward that. Once you get there, turn and walk left along the pond and you will find your prize."

I followed all of the clues, found TJ, and he handed me a fortune cookie and got down on one knee. I opened it and it read "Will you marry me???" I started to cry and said "Of course I will." Here's a picture of the proposal (he found a guy to take pictures):

and me crying:

looking at the ring:

the ring:

and after:

This was so awesome!!! We went back to the restaurant and showed the ladies my ring. We left and started to drive. I asked him if I should call my mom and he said to wait about 20 minutes. Oh boy...what is he planning now??? I thought it was over!

We pulled into hotel Arista and I asked "What are we doing here?" TJ said, "We're staying here." I said, "We're not staying here." He said, "We're staying here." I said, "If we're staying here, then where's my stuff?" TJ said, "I packed for you."

We walked in and were escorted up to our suite. Here are the pictures:

Living room:

Bedroom:

Bathroom:

Calling and texting everyone:

After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and 2 roses were delivered. We relaxed for a few minutes and then started making phone calls and sending text messages. TJ then said to wear the dress he had packed and to be ready by 5:30. We were meeting our parents our for dinner at Key Wester. My mom wasn't feeling well, so she wasn't able to go. She had champagne sent to our dinner table (the same champagne that Obama used at his inauguration). We enjoyed dinner with our parents and then he said there was one more surprise coming to the room at 9pm. I asked, "Milk and cookies?" (We had been to a hotel that served milk and cookies at bedtime and I thought it was cute). He said it wasn't milk and cookies. I asked if it was a Harry Potter movie (as this is my all time favorite) and he said it wasn't. He told me to check his 'itinerary' and at 9pm it said 'couples massage!!! He had a couples massage sent to our hotel room!!! This was awesome!!!

We enjoyed a fabulous breakfast in bed the next morning and had late checkout at 2pm. So, all in all, it was the most awesome, perfect day/weekend of my entire life. I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with someone as thoughtful, loving, and caring as TJ. I'm very blessed to have someone as great as him in my life.

Thanks for sharing in our story!