T.J. and I were on a cruise when we found out about my mom. Now I really know what it’s like to be “stuck on a boat”. She was watching my cats for me while we were on vacation, as she always did. She was also watching my nephew Matthew during the first few days while we were gone. I’m so glad I called her numerous times before we left, you never know when it will be the last time you speak with someone you love. She probably thought I was annoying, but I just wanted to check that Matthew wasn’t giving my kitties a hard time. I also wanted to check that she wasn’t over feeding my kitties too much, as she does like to spoil them with food & treats.
My mom was the best at making lunches (she made mine until I moved out). I could have pop and 2 desserts in my lunch if I wanted. She was also a great cook and really enjoyed sharing her food with others. I’ve never left her house hungry. She always asked what everyone’s favorite snacks were, and they just “happen” to be at her house if you came over. She knew that T.J. loved chex mix and reeses peanut butter cups. There would always be a bowl out of chex mix and she would give T.J. a TON of reeses. When I insisted that T.J. did not need anymore reeses, she would put some in his pockets when I wasn’t looking.
She LOVED to garden and I called her often with questions about my own. I’ve had a secret competition with her the last few years with our vegetables….she’s always won.
My mom was very thoughtful. She sent cards for every holiday, and always gave us some “just in case” money.
She made every holiday a big deal with a big feast. For my birthday I always had a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake and she let me eat it for breakfast every day until it was gone. Christmas was the best with lots of presents and lots of food. She had a very good rule for Christmas…..if you don’t believe in Santa then you don’t get any Santa presents. We still believe in Santa.
She always teased me about how I need to learn how to make gravy, as I have always just used the canned stuff. Santa even gave me “gravy master” in my stocking at Christmas. I wish I would have taken the hint.
My mom loved to read books. She could read 2 a day. She couldn’t really believe that I was her daughter, seeing that I don’t like to read. When I was a young girl she paid me 50 cents per chapter book I read, and I would need to give her an oral book report after each one. I don’t think I ever made more than $2.
I remember when I tried to teach my mom to use the computer. She was not a super huge fan of technology and did not shop online or use email. It took her awhile to even learn how to turn the computer on. When I first showed her how to use it, she picked up the mouse and tried to point it at the screen like a remote control. It was so funny.
The best was when she got Facebook. I though YES! This is going to be awesome. Within days of being on Facebook she had numerous friends, and within weeks she was uploading pictures and posting videos from You Tube. If someone posted their status or some pictures she was the first one to “like” it or comment. Who was this person? Not the mom who didn’t know how to really use the computer a few weeks earlier.
She was a great mom and a great friend. She was very loving and very loved. There are no words to say how unexpected all of this was. There are no words to say how special you made me feel. There are no words to say how much we will miss you.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
6 weeks ago
- 6 weeks, 2 days ago we found out we were pregnant (4 weeks, 4 days).
- 4 weeks, 1 day ago we found out it might not be a viable pregnancy (6 weeks, 5 days).
- 3 weeks, 3 days ago (7 weeks, 3 days) it was confirmed that we did have a blighted ovum and that we should wait 2 weeks for a miscarriage to happen naturally. It not, then a D & C would need to be done.
- 3 weeks, 1 day ago (7 weeks, 5 days) bleeding began, and continued, until yesterday.
- 1 week, 3 days ago (9 weeks, 3 days) my doctor said that I should go ahead with the D& C. I chose to wait as I was already bleeding, and really feel like it's a natural process. Your body knows what it's doing, and I trust my body.
- 4 days ago (10 weeks, 2 days) I passed a small apple sized object out of my body (frightening). I felt so much relief from the cramping. This had to be it.
- 2 days ago (10 weeks, 4 days) I had a scan, and it wasn't it.
- 1 day ago I had a D & C (10 weeks, 6 days). The scariest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. I HATE surgery, especially for something like this. I hate IV's, anesthesia, and the whole hospital experience.
I will say that the staff at Central DuPage Hospital was excellent. I had the option of "twilight" or being completely under. They recommended being completely under, so I did it. I do not enjoy IV's, and the lady got me some "freezy stuff" to numb my hand before she put it in (I highly recommend the "freezy stuff" before you ever get an IV). I was in and out in less than 5 hours. I had some mild cramping, but my bleeding had almost completely stopped. This was such a relief as I had been bleeding heavier than a period for over 3 weeks.
I am currently resting at home. I'm feeling ok, a little cramping (mostly from a medication they gave me to contract my uterus). I'm on pelvic rest for 2 weeks (no baths, pool, tampons, or sex). I plan to going back to light work on Monday.
The dr said that we can try again after 3 full cycles. So, for the meantime, I'm enjoying my sushi, seafood, wine, and vacationing (July). Thanks for listening.
- 4 weeks, 1 day ago we found out it might not be a viable pregnancy (6 weeks, 5 days).
- 3 weeks, 3 days ago (7 weeks, 3 days) it was confirmed that we did have a blighted ovum and that we should wait 2 weeks for a miscarriage to happen naturally. It not, then a D & C would need to be done.
- 3 weeks, 1 day ago (7 weeks, 5 days) bleeding began, and continued, until yesterday.
- 1 week, 3 days ago (9 weeks, 3 days) my doctor said that I should go ahead with the D& C. I chose to wait as I was already bleeding, and really feel like it's a natural process. Your body knows what it's doing, and I trust my body.
- 4 days ago (10 weeks, 2 days) I passed a small apple sized object out of my body (frightening). I felt so much relief from the cramping. This had to be it.
- 2 days ago (10 weeks, 4 days) I had a scan, and it wasn't it.
- 1 day ago I had a D & C (10 weeks, 6 days). The scariest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. I HATE surgery, especially for something like this. I hate IV's, anesthesia, and the whole hospital experience.
I will say that the staff at Central DuPage Hospital was excellent. I had the option of "twilight" or being completely under. They recommended being completely under, so I did it. I do not enjoy IV's, and the lady got me some "freezy stuff" to numb my hand before she put it in (I highly recommend the "freezy stuff" before you ever get an IV). I was in and out in less than 5 hours. I had some mild cramping, but my bleeding had almost completely stopped. This was such a relief as I had been bleeding heavier than a period for over 3 weeks.
I am currently resting at home. I'm feeling ok, a little cramping (mostly from a medication they gave me to contract my uterus). I'm on pelvic rest for 2 weeks (no baths, pool, tampons, or sex). I plan to going back to light work on Monday.
The dr said that we can try again after 3 full cycles. So, for the meantime, I'm enjoying my sushi, seafood, wine, and vacationing (July). Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
SHHHHHH!!!!......It's the thing that no one talks about!!!
I really debated this one, and I guess I still am. Not sure that I will share this on facebook, but if you happen to check my blog you might see it.
Anyway, can you guess the secret thing that no one ever talks about??? Well it's been something I've been dealing with somewhat secretly for the past 3 weeks. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone....it's about miscarriage.....
Sure, every now and again I might hear about someone I know who's had a miscarriage (mostly moms of kids I work with). However, I'm sure it happens much more often than people would like to talk about (including me). As time has past, I feel more ok with it every day. So, here's my story:
In February of this year I went off birth control for the first time in 11 1/2 years. Being on the pill helped SOOOO much in controlling my severe cramping & throwing up that I suffered in junior high and high school. I did not want to be known as "the girl who throws up" when I went away to college. Anyway, it was close to the severity of endometriosis (which I guess can only be officially diagnosed by surgery). I felt TONS better!!!
I worried as I went off the pill I worried that my periods would be as bad as before (in which I could not attend work or school as I was vomiting the entire day). My first "Aunt Flow" ;) was much better than I expected. Yes! Anyway, we've read a researched about how long it takes "normal" couples to conceive. So we figured we had a few good months of "trying" ahead of us.
Over the next several weeks I took 3 different pregnancy tests (all at different times to confirm I was NOT pregnant)....all negative. Then April comes and goes, but no period (but, I had no idea of when I was supposed to get it because I was not regular as I only had 1 period post pills). No biggie, I thought I just must have not ovulated that month (which happens when you've been on the pill for a long time). So, I took a 4th pregnancy test and it was positive. Whoa!!! T.J. was like "we didn't even get to 'try'!" Ha ha ha BTW, I bought all of my pregnancy tests at the $ store because all tests are 99% effective, I knew I was going to use a few, and consumer reports rated pregnancy tests as one of the top 5 things to buy at the $ store.
Well, I took a 5th test (this time a more expensive one) to really make sure. This was right before Mother's Day, so we decided to get our mothers "grandmother" cards instead. I took a 6th test on Mother's Day just to still make sure that we could share the news as it was the perfect time to say something. They were so excited! We were going to go to the doctor the next day (my birthday), but I did not want to miss out on my birthday dinner (duh, it is all about me :) ), so we went on Friday instead. At that point I should have been 6 weeks 5 days.
We went to the doctor and the first 45 minutes or so was just history, talking about how often the visits are, getting free samples, etc. No testing yet. Then a pap and finally an ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that something wasn't right as he kept measuring the size of the sac. There was a sac (I'll call it my "bubble"), but no baby, no fetal pole, just a bubble. He measured the size of the sac and it was 5 weeks 5 days. He said it could be that the dates were really off on conception, and that's why we couldn't see anything, or that it was a blighted ovum.
A blighted ovum (also known as "anembryonic pregnancy" happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cell develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant (not in my case, clearly). A blighted ovum is often a one time occurrence, and rarely will a woman experience more than one.
It was off for blood testing that evening to get a measure of my hcg levels over 3 days (in which they should double every day). Well, it wasn't good news as my levels were barely increasing and my progesterone was very low. So, I asked him what happens next.
The next step was to wait 2 weeks for the miscarriage to happen on its own. I thought, "Cool, now I just have to wait for this horrible thing to happen to me." At least I knew it was coming, but the waiting for it to happen was terrible. I'm a pretty patient person (ask T.J......I can sit in the airport for 17 hours waiting to get on a flight and I'm not bothered in the least), but waiting for something bad to happen made me feel anxious.
I was prepared, I knew it was coming, and I feel so bad for those that don't. I can't imagine what it's like thinking "is my baby going to die" vs. my "bubble" dilemma. Pretty significant bleeding started on Friday (great way to start off the holiday weekend). Of course I have been researching what happens during a miscarriage and what I can expect. So far, it's been bleeding and waiting and bleeding and waiting. I went for more blood work today to see where my hcg levels are, so hopefully not much longer of this (so far 6 days, although I was spotting before Friday).
I just thought I would share my story, as I'm kind over being asked "are you pregnant?" well.....kind of? It's just annoying to have people watch if I'm drinking or not and then asking if I am, or when will I be, or whatever. Yes, T.J. and I obviously want a baby (although this one was a little unexpected, and not the best timing as the due date would have been January 1st which we call a "Christmas baby"). I just have some more waiting to do as I wait for this to be over, and wait another 6-8 weeks for periods to start again (hopefully), and wait to make sure I'm somewhat regular, and wait to see if we get pregnant.....sigh......at least we know we're fertile ;)
Anyway, can you guess the secret thing that no one ever talks about??? Well it's been something I've been dealing with somewhat secretly for the past 3 weeks. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone....it's about miscarriage.....
Sure, every now and again I might hear about someone I know who's had a miscarriage (mostly moms of kids I work with). However, I'm sure it happens much more often than people would like to talk about (including me). As time has past, I feel more ok with it every day. So, here's my story:
In February of this year I went off birth control for the first time in 11 1/2 years. Being on the pill helped SOOOO much in controlling my severe cramping & throwing up that I suffered in junior high and high school. I did not want to be known as "the girl who throws up" when I went away to college. Anyway, it was close to the severity of endometriosis (which I guess can only be officially diagnosed by surgery). I felt TONS better!!!
I worried as I went off the pill I worried that my periods would be as bad as before (in which I could not attend work or school as I was vomiting the entire day). My first "Aunt Flow" ;) was much better than I expected. Yes! Anyway, we've read a researched about how long it takes "normal" couples to conceive. So we figured we had a few good months of "trying" ahead of us.
Over the next several weeks I took 3 different pregnancy tests (all at different times to confirm I was NOT pregnant)....all negative. Then April comes and goes, but no period (but, I had no idea of when I was supposed to get it because I was not regular as I only had 1 period post pills). No biggie, I thought I just must have not ovulated that month (which happens when you've been on the pill for a long time). So, I took a 4th pregnancy test and it was positive. Whoa!!! T.J. was like "we didn't even get to 'try'!" Ha ha ha BTW, I bought all of my pregnancy tests at the $ store because all tests are 99% effective, I knew I was going to use a few, and consumer reports rated pregnancy tests as one of the top 5 things to buy at the $ store.
Well, I took a 5th test (this time a more expensive one) to really make sure. This was right before Mother's Day, so we decided to get our mothers "grandmother" cards instead. I took a 6th test on Mother's Day just to still make sure that we could share the news as it was the perfect time to say something. They were so excited! We were going to go to the doctor the next day (my birthday), but I did not want to miss out on my birthday dinner (duh, it is all about me :) ), so we went on Friday instead. At that point I should have been 6 weeks 5 days.
We went to the doctor and the first 45 minutes or so was just history, talking about how often the visits are, getting free samples, etc. No testing yet. Then a pap and finally an ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that something wasn't right as he kept measuring the size of the sac. There was a sac (I'll call it my "bubble"), but no baby, no fetal pole, just a bubble. He measured the size of the sac and it was 5 weeks 5 days. He said it could be that the dates were really off on conception, and that's why we couldn't see anything, or that it was a blighted ovum.
A blighted ovum (also known as "anembryonic pregnancy" happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cell develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant (not in my case, clearly). A blighted ovum is often a one time occurrence, and rarely will a woman experience more than one.
It was off for blood testing that evening to get a measure of my hcg levels over 3 days (in which they should double every day). Well, it wasn't good news as my levels were barely increasing and my progesterone was very low. So, I asked him what happens next.
The next step was to wait 2 weeks for the miscarriage to happen on its own. I thought, "Cool, now I just have to wait for this horrible thing to happen to me." At least I knew it was coming, but the waiting for it to happen was terrible. I'm a pretty patient person (ask T.J......I can sit in the airport for 17 hours waiting to get on a flight and I'm not bothered in the least), but waiting for something bad to happen made me feel anxious.
I was prepared, I knew it was coming, and I feel so bad for those that don't. I can't imagine what it's like thinking "is my baby going to die" vs. my "bubble" dilemma. Pretty significant bleeding started on Friday (great way to start off the holiday weekend). Of course I have been researching what happens during a miscarriage and what I can expect. So far, it's been bleeding and waiting and bleeding and waiting. I went for more blood work today to see where my hcg levels are, so hopefully not much longer of this (so far 6 days, although I was spotting before Friday).
I just thought I would share my story, as I'm kind over being asked "are you pregnant?" well.....kind of? It's just annoying to have people watch if I'm drinking or not and then asking if I am, or when will I be, or whatever. Yes, T.J. and I obviously want a baby (although this one was a little unexpected, and not the best timing as the due date would have been January 1st which we call a "Christmas baby"). I just have some more waiting to do as I wait for this to be over, and wait another 6-8 weeks for periods to start again (hopefully), and wait to make sure I'm somewhat regular, and wait to see if we get pregnant.....sigh......at least we know we're fertile ;)
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