SHHHHHH!!!!......It's the thing that no one talks about!!!

I really debated this one, and I guess I still am. Not sure that I will share this on facebook, but if you happen to check my blog you might see it.


Anyway, can you guess the secret thing that no one ever talks about??? Well it's been something I've been dealing with somewhat secretly for the past 3 weeks. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone....it's about miscarriage.....


Sure, every now and again I might hear about someone I know who's had a miscarriage (mostly moms of kids I work with). However, I'm sure it happens much more often than people would like to talk about (including me). As time has past, I feel more ok with it every day. So, here's my story:


In February of this year I went off birth control for the first time in 11 1/2 years. Being on the pill helped SOOOO much in controlling my severe cramping & throwing up that I suffered in junior high and high school. I did not want to be known as "the girl who throws up" when I went away to college. Anyway, it was close to the severity of endometriosis (which I guess can only be officially diagnosed by surgery). I felt TONS better!!!


I worried as I went off the pill I worried that my periods would be as bad as before (in which I could not attend work or school as I was vomiting the entire day). My first "Aunt Flow" ;) was much better than I expected. Yes! Anyway, we've read a researched about how long it takes "normal" couples to conceive. So we figured we had a few good months of "trying" ahead of us.


Over the next several weeks I took 3 different pregnancy tests (all at different times to confirm I was NOT pregnant)....all negative. Then April comes and goes, but no period (but, I had no idea of when I was supposed to get it because I was not regular as I only had 1 period post pills). No biggie, I thought I just must have not ovulated that month (which happens when you've been on the pill for a long time). So, I took a 4th pregnancy test and it was positive. Whoa!!! T.J. was like "we didn't even get to 'try'!" Ha ha ha BTW, I bought all of my pregnancy tests at the $ store because all tests are 99% effective, I knew I was going to use a few, and consumer reports rated pregnancy tests as one of the top 5 things to buy at the $ store.


Well, I took a 5th test (this time a more expensive one) to really make sure. This was right before Mother's Day, so we decided to get our mothers "grandmother" cards instead. I took a 6th test on Mother's Day just to still make sure that we could share the news as it was the perfect time to say something. They were so excited! We were going to go to the doctor the next day (my birthday), but I did not want to miss out on my birthday dinner (duh, it is all about me :) ), so we went on Friday instead. At that point I should have been 6 weeks 5 days.


We went to the doctor and the first 45 minutes or so was just history, talking about how often the visits are, getting free samples, etc. No testing yet. Then a pap and finally an ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that something wasn't right as he kept measuring the size of the sac. There was a sac (I'll call it my "bubble"), but no baby, no fetal pole, just a bubble. He measured the size of the sac and it was 5 weeks 5 days. He said it could be that the dates were really off on conception, and that's why we couldn't see anything, or that it was a blighted ovum.


A blighted ovum (also known as "anembryonic pregnancy" happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cell develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant (not in my case, clearly). A blighted ovum is often a one time occurrence, and rarely will a woman experience more than one.


It was off for blood testing that evening to get a measure of my hcg levels over 3 days (in which they should double every day). Well, it wasn't good news as my levels were barely increasing and my progesterone was very low. So, I asked him what happens next.


The next step was to wait 2 weeks for the miscarriage to happen on its own. I thought, "Cool, now I just have to wait for this horrible thing to happen to me." At least I knew it was coming, but the waiting for it to happen was terrible. I'm a pretty patient person (ask T.J......I can sit in the airport for 17 hours waiting to get on a flight and I'm not bothered in the least), but waiting for something bad to happen made me feel anxious.

I was prepared, I knew it was coming, and I feel so bad for those that don't. I can't imagine what it's like thinking "is my baby going to die" vs. my "bubble" dilemma. Pretty significant bleeding started on Friday (great way to start off the holiday weekend). Of course I have been researching what happens during a miscarriage and what I can expect. So far, it's been bleeding and waiting and bleeding and waiting. I went for more blood work today to see where my hcg levels are, so hopefully not much longer of this (so far 6 days, although I was spotting before Friday).


I just thought I would share my story, as I'm kind over being asked "are you pregnant?" well.....kind of? It's just annoying to have people watch if I'm drinking or not and then asking if I am, or when will I be, or whatever. Yes, T.J. and I obviously want a baby (although this one was a little unexpected, and not the best timing as the due date would have been January 1st which we call a "Christmas baby"). I just have some more waiting to do as I wait for this to be over, and wait another 6-8 weeks for periods to start again (hopefully), and wait to make sure I'm somewhat regular, and wait to see if we get pregnant.....sigh......at least we know we're fertile ;)

Our Bedroom...it's awesome!!!

Our bedroom is done!!! We finally painted our bedroom and purchased our new TV to hang on the wall. YAY! Here are the pictures:

BEFORE:

DURING:

AFTER:

The view from the bed :) Isn't it nice???

We're Back!!!

We're back!!! Our wedding was FANTASTIC....the honeymoon was PERFECT!!! Now it's back to normal, so back to blogging too :) (I will blog about the wedding and honeymoon separately)

We will be starting our new home improvement project tomorrow....mounting our new TV in our bedroom!!!

TJ and I bought a flat screen TV as our wedding present to each other. We could not afford to buy a large TV for the living room, so we bought a 32' TV to mount on the wall in our bedroom (as well as a blu-ray DVD player and Harry Potter 1-6 on Blu-ray). Before we mount the TV I figured we should paint the bedroom. So, tomorrow we will pick out a paint color and paint the part of the wall where the TV will be mounted so that hopefully we can have it mounted by Sunday.

Hopefully everything goes as planned and we can enjoy our updated bedroom!!!

The Engaged Groom

I don't really know how involved typical grooms are in their wedding planning. Maybe some help with addressing invitations, or the typical transportation/honeymoon/music tradition. I have an "Engaged Groom" on my hands.

TJ has been involved in EVERY aspect of the wedding, ok, I take that back, I picked out my wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses. He has been to every vendor meeting (over 10 so far), had input on the flowers, centerpieces, chair covers, and attended a wedding invitation class held at Archivers. We have worked on invitation wording, fonts, and margins. He has researched the honeymoon, booked the flights, and found the average weather forecast. I don't think there is one aspect of the wedding that he hasn't helped me with (or am I helping him?).

We both have strong opinions and we make sure to let each other know :) Plus, we want the wedding to be awesome! I guess it's nice to have someone as involved as TJ is...then I can always take a break if I need.

Wedding plans & life

Yes, I know I have been lacking in my blogging...sorry! We are a little over 3 months away from the big day....that crazy!!! The time went by so quickly! We still have some things to plan (flowers, cakes, and invitations). All of these things are not my favorite. I like flowers, but I don't like flowers enough to spend boat loads of $ on them. I don't even eat cake, but since we are having cake as our centerpieces, I guess I care how they look. As far as invitations, I am making them myself (and no, I'm not crafty, and I hate any type of "scrapbook" activity), so that's not super fun for me.

On the upside, I tried on my dress and I had forgotten how awesome it is! I think I've found my jewelry, and I already have a borrowed veil and new shoes. I think I know how I want to wear my hair. Now all I have to do is get in shape before my first dress fitting next month!

TJ and I have merged the houses (minus a twin bed frame we couldn't fit in the moving truck that is left at the condo). It's kind of bittersweet. No, the condo is not sold, and no we haven't had any offers, and I'm listing it for less than what I owe on the mortgage. We are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't afford to drop the price because I can't bring 10's of thousands of $ to closing. I don't have that kind of cash sitting around, especially paying for a wedding. It's been on the market for more than a year, and has been a stressor for me since then. I can't do a short sale because you have to prove you don't have any money. Well, I have money to pay for it monthly, I just don't want this property anymore. I want to move on and be done with it. TJ and I have a new life in a bigger home that I love.

Some people have said that I should just go into foreclosure and let the bank take it. I would never do something like that. It's just not who I am. I would prefer to take out a loan so I can drop the price to where it will sell, and use the loan money to bring to closing. Then I could just pay the loan each month versus a mortgage on a vacant property. I have asked my condo association for me to be able to rent out the condo, just a temporary provision while this housing market recovers. I wouldn't make $ off of a renter, but a least it would give me some financial relief in this situation. They said "no" and did not offer any explanation.

So, this is what I continue to work on, selling the condo and planning my wedding.

If you know ANYONE who is interested in a 2 bedroom, 2 full bath, private garage condo, 1.5 miles from downtown Naperville....please let me know!!! Here the link to the listing:

http://weichertkingsland.com/Search/PropDetail.aspx?listingID=87-2-07415181&publicSearchID=7255575&pso=listPrice%20DESC&referrer=http%3A//weichertkingsland.com/Search/Results.aspx%3FsearchID%3D7255575

Question????

Hey teachers out there......what should I do about changing my name with my kids that I see? My name with my kids in EI and at the clinic is fine, it's "Miss Amber". However, I see kids at the school and they call me Miss Knott. I see some kids for 3 years in a row, so some of them have known me as Miss Knott for 2 years. I'm getting married in October, so do I start the year as Miss Knott and then change to Mrs. Hardy? I usually see kids in pairs of two, and it could be a mixture of a new kid with an old kid. So, I can't have my old kids call me Miss Knott and my new kids call me Mrs. Hardy. What should I do????

An improvement

TJ installed our new garage door opener on Sunday. I have really been looking forward to it. He finally has a clicker and we can have the cleaning ladies come while we are at work! I'm so excited!